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Unfortunately, after things going smoothly on the family front for awhile, I'm afraid I have sad news. My father passed away tonight. He'd actually been doing rather well - he was limited in his activities after the three strokes, to be sure, but he'd been doing things like taking out the garbage and setting the table.

And then, tonight, he collapsed on the floor and was having trouble breathing. My mother called 911, they took him to the hospital and, en route, his breathing and heart stopped. They tried CPR, but to no avail.

When I got to the hospital, they were still doing CPR on him. I was in the room when they were using the paddles on him, and when they made the decision to stop. And then I stayed with my mother afterward, when she was still with him and refused to leave - and I don't think I'm going to forget her sobbing and pleading with him to come back for as long as I live. She kept holding onto his hand and insisting she saw his eyelids moving, that his hand was tightening. And all I could do was sit there like a block of ice.

Even after everything we went through, all those months of running to and from hospitals. I still can't believe it. It can't sink in. I still feel like a block of ice. (Which is why I can't seem to sleep).

Hopefully, I'll feel more human tomorrow. My brother and I have a lot to take care of.

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
redroses1791
May. 5th, 2013 07:41 am (UTC)
oh my gosh :( i'm so so sorry.
i'm rotten at offering condolences, but i'm keeping you in my thoughts. xxoxox i really hope you can get some sleep soon. :( <3
sewa_n_kai
May. 5th, 2013 07:59 am (UTC)
im so sorry for your loss.
sachiko_241
May. 5th, 2013 08:17 am (UTC)
Oh my gosh I'm so sorry to hear, we are all here though if you need to talk.
My thoughts are with you and your family.
Xoxo

Edited at 2013-05-05 08:17 am (UTC)
venomousliberty
May. 5th, 2013 08:29 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your family. :(
ruruu
May. 5th, 2013 09:37 am (UTC)
I am so sorry to read this. I can not imagine what you are going through at the moment. So take your time, stay with the rest of your family. Your LJ Friends are waiting over here. I am sure your Dad knew how much you all loved and cared for him and I hope he is in peace.
ldybastet
May. 5th, 2013 09:54 am (UTC)
oh, honey! *hugs* I'm so sorry!!!! :( Death is so hard to handle, even when one has had warning signs. It's always too soon and too harsh. I am thinking of you and your family, sending you good mojo.
wnb_angel
May. 5th, 2013 11:13 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear that. My deepest condolences.
dawnoflotus
May. 5th, 2013 11:25 am (UTC)
I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine what you're going through, but if it's any help think of all the good memories you had with your dad.
It help me when my grandfather died, but I'm not sure if it has the same effect on you

My sincere condolences <3
bbhc18
May. 5th, 2013 12:49 pm (UTC)
*hugs* my prays and thoughts are with you and your family. My deepest condolences
hanakotoba_21
May. 5th, 2013 12:57 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your lost! I know it's difficult, but from now on you have to be strong and smile...smile for your father! Live like you're living his life too :) My prays and thoughts are with you and your family!
harurudesu
May. 5th, 2013 02:53 pm (UTC)
My condolences to you and your family. I hope everything goes well in your family! My thoughts are with you and your family as well.
venus_doom74
May. 5th, 2013 03:23 pm (UTC)
Oh hun, I am so sorry *hugs*
I know your father is in a better place now and no longer suffering. Stay strong and don't let your mother see you break down; it could make her feel worse, y'know? Hold her close and keep her spirits up :)
yuujimiyeon
May. 5th, 2013 08:02 pm (UTC)
I feel so sorry for you, I don't know what to say.
I know no one can get over such a loss, but I hope you will feel better soon, no one would want you to feel bad for what happened. Stay strong and take care of you and your family!
golden_kimono
May. 5th, 2013 11:11 pm (UTC)
I saw this on Tumblr and said something there, but I want to say how sorry I am here too. It's even more harsh considering all your family has been through and the hope you had for him getting relatively better. My condolences to you and your family... I hope you'll manage to cope somewhat, but I know it will be hard. :(
misumaru
May. 5th, 2013 11:25 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear that. *hugs* My condolences to you and your family.
coffee_nosesock
May. 6th, 2013 04:55 am (UTC)
wow =( I'm really really sorry to hear this *hug*
lunapastilha
May. 6th, 2013 10:13 am (UTC)
My prays goes to you!! there is no words to tell you!! Just don´t forget that at least you all have fought!! hugs
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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